JR Rambles On all Things that Matter (and Don’t Matter)

27 08 2009

by John Ryan

I’ll bet the half dozen to dozen of you out there that read this blog thought I was taking a week off againCurbYourEnthusiasm and beginning an Indiana Jones-esque hiatus from this column. Well, you’re wrong. I’m just “rambling” a little later this week than us ual, as Monday and Tuesday saw several odd things happen to me personally. I felt like I was in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Anyways, without further ado, away we go……….

1.) Michael Vick Will Make His Eagles Debut Tonight: And this qualifies as news because he has not played in two years, but it ends there. The Eagles have far more worries than how Vick is perceived by the locals, and can only hope their revamped offensive line reminds people of a shift change for that better at a strip club. (You know how strip clubs usually have the “C” and “D” squads on during a Tuesday afternoon, but come Friday, around 3:00 p.m., they bring in the big guns (no pun intended) and they usually stay on until about 2 AM Sunday/Monday.) Well, thus far Jason Peters is still hurt while Tra Thomas will line up opposite the Eagles tonight, Jon Runyan is still a free agent while Shawn Andrews has more back problems than the hunchback of Notre Dame, and

"D Squad" Stripper......and potential future right tackle of the Philadelphia Eagles.

"D Squad" Stripper......and potential future right tackle of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Stacy seems like he caught Shawn’s disease “training campitis.” Also, I’d like to see the defense show its chops tonight. I’ve bee saying for months that besides the tandem of Sheldon and Asante, they are grossly overrated. I hope they prove me wrong, but let’s take stock here: 1.) After they lost Stu Bradley, they were left with 3 stiffs at LB, 2.) Trent Cole wears down too easily, and Jacqua Parker is now actively trying to join “The Doobie Brothers,” and 3.) Quintin Mikell needs to prove he can fill the large leadership void left by B Dawk. No easy task.

2.) Brad Lidge is Scarier than a Corey Haim Comeback Attempt: I was just scrolling through Corey Haim’s page on Wikipedia (because thats what I do) and noticed “The Two Corey’s” was recently cancelled. And…Corey Feldman doesn”t talk tocoreys Haim anymore because of some fight the two had. Gee, you lived with a guy like Corey Haim for almost two years. What did you think was going to happen? Anyways, regarding Lidge, they need an internal option and they need one fast. I say throw Madson out there a few more times, or let Park try it. Is it just me or does anyone else notice that Park doesn’t seem fazed by anything. Hopefully he has the mental makeup to close. Other than that, maybe Brett Myers comes back and nails down the job. But isn’t that asking a bit much? Speaking of asking too much of athletes, I thought of some movie examples where the coach may have been asking a bit much of their player:

  • A.) “McGinty” asking “Shane Falco” to over a huge defect in one half over a non-replacement level defense in “The  Replacements.” Think about it: Falco played what, 6 games total in the roughly 5 years since his last college game, and he was  going to come back from 17-0 (not totally insurmountable, but consider the circumstances) verses legit talent? No way. (And by the way, his #1 RB went down due to injury in the beginning of the half)
  • B.) “Lou Brown” asking a cold “Roger Dorn” to go up and get plunked in a must have playoff game. Really? The guy had 0 AB that year, and the pitcher is going to pitch him inside when he was playing worse than Eric Bruntlett? Besides, how often
    "It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do, dive for it?"

    "It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do, dive for it?"

    do HBP’s really occur? Not very often, that’s how much.

  • C.) “George Knox” asking “Mel Clark” to pitch in a game to get the Angels to the playoffs after God knows how long of a layoff in “Angels In The Outfield.” There’s just no way without Angels helping that this ends well. Tony Danza’s character supposedly smoked more cigarettes than Denis Leary in this movie, and hadn’t thrown a baseball in months.
3.) The Vikings Players hate the player I won’t mention: Didn’t take long for them to spot a phony. I won’t use his name. I just won’t. However, he is better than any option they have so I guess they will be stuck with him.

4.) I have the 2nd Overall Pick in My Fantasy Football Draft: And I want to trade the pick. Reason being, I think I can get just as good value at #8 then I can at #2. Consider the players ranked high enough after the obvious #1 pick of Adrien Peterson: 1.) Michael Turner 2.) MoJo 3.) Brees 4.) DeAngelo Williams 5.) Frank Gore 6.) Stephen Jackson 7.) Steve Slaton. Tell me you’d be annoyed at any of those players. Didn’t think so. So why not grab one and some extra picks in my newly formatted keeper league?  I guarantee I will get 20 different e-mails with 20 different scenarios on this draft. That’s fantasy football for you.
5.) Tim Donaghy reportedly was sent back to jail because he missed work going to a rehabilitation appointment

Recent Tim Donaghy Photo

Recent Tim Donaghy Photo

for his knee that was “jacked up” by a reputed associate of a New York crime family: I would break his knees too if I lost money because of him. Speaking of which: how does Donaghy still have working limbs? Does anyone know for sure if he still has his man parts? Think about it: The organized crime guys hated him, the white colar criminals hated him, any former or current professional or amateur athlete probably hates him, and the guards probably hate him. And that’s just in prison. Great story that continues to intrigue me.

That’s it for this week, my loyal readers. Loyal readers who are probably the same sort, who eat 20 wings and 30 beers in one sitting and continuously ponder why HBO took “Arliss” off the air. Do I do that? (winking)



One response

27 08 2009
Michael DeLuca

Johnny Ry bringing the thunder once again. Who else could find a metaphor between a strip club’s “A team” and a crew of 350 pound offensive linemen!

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