Champagne Wishes and One-Win Dreams: JR’s Weekend Ramblings

21 10 2008

by John Ryan

Since I’ve started jotting my thoughts about the weekend on paper, it seems every time Friday hit the craziness ensues. I admit, most weekends are far more story-worthy than any weekday in sports (unless Mike Tyson is having a press conference, the NCAA tourney is going on, or Brett Favre breathes) but we sure have a lot to talk about again. Here’s what I think, let me know your thoughts, as well:

1.) Another weekend, another dominating performance by Texas (and Colt McCoy). He is the Heisman winner now. No question in my mind. In successive weekends he has crushed Sam Bradford and Oklahoma, and then ripped apart Chase Daniels and Mizzou. Who does he need to beat now, the guy from BYU? Come on. McCoy is huge in big games, is more popular in Texas right now than the Cowboys, and Jessica Simpson is a McCoy led national title away from dropping Romo and her country music gig and texting McCoy and putting out an R&B album. (God, I miss college.)

2.) My FAU Owls got off the schnide and picked up a win from Western Kentucky. My column, my plug.

3.) Adam “Pac Man” Jones checked into rehab. I guess he finally dropped out of Amy Winehouse’s school of “No No No” and decided he may actually want to play in another NFL game. We’ll see if Roger Goodell thinks that’s enough.

4.) The Tampa Bay Rays nee Devil Rays are in the World Series. So let’s get this straight: The Rays are in the World Series, the Dow dipped to record lows amidst fears of a depression-era recession, vests are back en vogue for the first time since John Stamos was rocking Full House’s world, and 88% of women recently polled said they would think a guy was sexier in a fuel efficient car than a “muscle car” such as a Mustang. Shades of Chris Rock’s rant here from 2001, “You mean to tell me the best basketball player is Chinese (Yao), the best golfer is black (Tiger), and the best rapper is white (Eminem)??” Hey, at least Matt Millen and Isaiah Thomas are finally un-employed. (Side Note: The architect of the Rays team, Chuck Lamar is the overwhelming favorite of mine to take over the Phillies in 2009. This is interesting because 3 years ago I grouped him in with Billy King, Billy Knight, Isaiah Thomas and Matt Millen as “most likely to be killed by their fan base in a bar in their own home team city.” Just thought I’d mention that, even though Arbuckle or more likely Amaro will get that job.)

5.) Peyton Manning is the better of the two Mannings and no one will ever change my mind, nor has anyone ever. Please don’t comment on this, as this is fact not opinion. Eli stinks, and I don’t care what he’s won.

6.) I legitimately don’t know if the Lions or Bengals will win another game this year.

7.) Daunte Culpepper has reportedly been in contact with the Kansas City Chiefs who just lost Brody Croyle for the season. Again, why does no one think Culpepper would be a great fit for New England? (As I type this, Cassell had his first good week in the NFL last night, and single handedly saved my fantasy football from defeat by throwing to Wes Welker when they were up 27-0. I love Belicheck sometimes for what Bill Simmons calls giving out the “F U game.” That game last night was Belicheck saying, “Uh, yea, I’m not going anywhere even if Tyler Thigpen is my quarterback. I still have an above average O-line, 2 great receivers, and a defense that doesn’t quit on me even though my MLB (Bruschi) is the guy in school everyone wanted to beat up because he’s a showboat, self-promoting kiss ass who lips are stuck on the fattest part of my rear end.” (I added the last part about Bruschi) The Pats are going to be in this, boys and girls and Daunte Culpepper should watch Brett Favre and know that he should not just come back to anybody.

8.) Which leads me to my point about Brett Favre. He stinks. He should have stayed retired and he’s also a rat! He’s giving out the Packers plays to members of other teams. I told you before in a column; Brett Favre is a selfish, self-promoting jackass. He held the Packers captive every year for 4 years because he knew he could. His ego finally wrote checks his ass couldn’t cash.

9.) Here’s my pecking order for the playoffs, and my BCS Championship game predictions (the two teams not the winner): BCS: Texas vs. Penn State. Here’s my reasoning: Penn State, if they can beat Ohio State has a much better chance of getting past the Big 10 schedule than Alabama does of running the gauntlet in the SEC. As for the NFL: NFC: 1.) Giants 2.) Tampa Bay 3.) Green Bay 4.) Arizona 5.) Washington 6.) Carolina. Still in it are Philly, Dallas, Chicago, and Hotlanta, and Minnesota. AFC: 1.) Tennessee 2.) Pittsburgh 3.) Buffalo 4.) Denver 5.) Indy 6.) New England. Denver is only by default. They stink, but it’s either them or the Norv Turner-led Super Chargers. Yuck. By next week, that 12-team mess could feature 8 new teams. Jacksonville, Cleveland, and Baltimore are still sniffing around and could make noise.

10.) Entourage anyone? Ari will NOT take that job. PS: Maybe just because it was 3:00 AM when I watched it on the east coast, but it was legitimately sad. I was upset because you could tell how upset Vince was. Next week, if Ari doesn’t take that ten million dollar offer what does Vince owe Ari? Two models with a wife-wont find-out-guarantee? An extra cut from his next “Aquaman” type hit, say 20%? Turtle with no strings attached? Who knows, but the show now has some legs, and is getting good. Wish anything after the show was worth any of my viewing minutes. True Blood should start afterwards, now? Entourage is a great lead in, and True Blood due to its content should be 10:30 starting time anyways.




One response

21 10 2008

Forgot to mention that B-Hop dominated Pavlik in every way. I was at that fight and was admitedly shocked, though I was rooting for Hopkins. Wisg boxing would make a comeback. Heard Kimbo Slice is now unemployed……..

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